Definition of "apathy" : absence or suppression of passion, emotion, or excitement; lack of interest in or concern for things that others find moving or exciting.
Which aptly describes how I feel now.
I lost all hope and dreams, but I don't feel disappointed.
I don't feel happy, nor do I feel sad.
I don't love or hate, nor do I feel being loved or hated.
I'm not angry, but I am not calm.
Even when I spend a lot, I don't feel a single thing. Not happy nor sad.
I don't feel excited over things I used to like to do. I don't dislike things that I used to hate.
Even with people that I was angry with, I don't feel anything towards them anymore. It's like I'm above everything. I don't care what people say or do.
I'm not depressed, don't get me wrong. But I'm not passionate with life either.
My mind/heart is really numb. I just do things because I have to do it. It's more like a routine. It's like I live just because I have to live. This has been going on for a few weeks, maybe after Chinese New Year. Apparently, people feel apathy after they have undergone something traumatizing. So did I went through that? I doubt so. But is it normal to feel apathy?
I have heard that the opposite of love is not hate, but apathy.
ReplyDeletewhen you are devoid of any feelings at all, even to hate or to be mad or disappointed.
when you just give up on trying to care or be interested in sth/someone. in short, you just don't care anymore.
maybe it's time to find your purpose and meaning in life and in what you do...
look out and up, dont look in and down. (if you get what i mean) - start looking at what you can do to help others instead of at yourself (which all of us tend to do)
just wanted to share that I started questioning my purpose/meaning to live my freshman year and it took me a while to find it. Now that I've found it, I want everyone to find it too! =)
why don't you start searching too? =)
"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." - John 3:16
happy to share more. =)
Wow Sue Yen, thank you so much for your comments. I'll definitely give this a thought. :)
ReplyDeleteDitto...
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly what I feel right now.
I am living from homework to homework, exam to exam, weekend to weekend, drama to drama, like a vicious cycle that has no end point to look forward to.
A suggestion: maybe you can find the Tzu Chi in Singapore and do something interesting with them, I feel more alive when I am volunteering at our English class (*winks*), like I am a real person, doing something that means a lot to someone.
my dear friend...
ReplyDeleteI have been looking forward to the update of your blog, and I randomly feel like visiting my blog before I go to bed and realized that there's an update, and so I decided to peek in..
I guess I have always been talking about myself and never realized that you are having some issues.
Do you still remember how you talk to me (and Jia Jin + other people) about purpose of life and stuff? You have dreams, and you know what you want in your life.
"Never be afraid to sit awhile and think."
把你的梦想都追回来，好吗？
Hui Ying suggested something pretty useful, applicable to me as well :)
(We need to talk...)